Yesterday I ate stress

Yesterday I ate stress.  And it didn't even taste all that good.  Anyone else out there eat when stressed, tired, sad, angry, etc?  I made the mistake of eating right out of the box too, which is a surefire way to have no idea of the amount your actually consume.  Sigh...

Lately this has been a struggle.  It always kind of is for me, but lately has been terrible. The muffins or other carb type delectables are calling my name incessantly!  I tend to carb load when I am tired...just like an athlete, right?  Except they do it before they are about to burn off a 1,000 calories!  And I do it and then I just feel even more tired.  I don't think of myself as a naive person, but in this case I must be!  "This will totally make me feel better...." goes the inside voice in my brain.  But it doesn't.  Ever.  But I know I'll do it again!

The way too big, evil muffin!

I am frustrated with this cycle that just won't seem to break right now.  And what is even more frustrating is that I do have a voice screaming in my head telling me not to indulge these bad habits but my brain and hands seem to be suffering a disconnect.

The worst of it is that I am aware that these are choices I am making myself and that I am CHOOSING to treat myself this way.  What is up with that???

I look at what I do for my kids and am so annoyed that I seem to do the exact opposite for myself.

They eat plenty of fruits & veggies & I make a conscious effort to make sure that they do.
They rarely eat take out or processed foods.
They go to bed at an appropriate time and take naps when they are tired.
They get time to run around (or crawl in Ally's case) and play outside.
They take their vitamins.
They drink lots of water.

Now, let's do that list for me.

I don't eat nearly as many fruits and vegetables as I should.  And I know it.
I don't eat a lot of take out but I do eat too many processed foods - see image above!
I go to bed way too late & rarely take a nap even on the weekends when I feel like I should.
I don't make time to exercise right now.
My vitamins have been untouched for weeks.
At least I drink lots of water - one point for me!

Again...what is up with this???  I would never give my kids the lifestyle I am living. So why is it okay for me?  That's a rhetorical questions because the answer is that it isn't okay. Why can't I make myself a priority?

I should be modelling the way and not using the "do as I say, not as I do" method.  I should be taking care of myself.  This is a work in progress, I know.  And I  know that sometimes I am much better at it than others. I also know that beating myself up about it doesn't help and that I should just resolve to take it one day at a time and focus on small victories and goals.  Taking my vitamins everyday, getting more fruits and veggies into my daily diet, going to bed earlier, running away from high fat foods, etc.  By default, all those things will help me accomplish a few end goals I have such as having more energy and getting rid of the last of the baby weight.

Anyway, I know there are others out there who are in the same boat so I wanted to share my frustrations and say - you are not alone!  I'll get there, I know I will, but at least writing this blog might be a kick in the pants I need to start to pay a bit more attention to what is important - ME!!