My brother, my friend?

I'm not a parenting expert, in fact I'm pretty sure I'd still be considered a newbie parent as my oldest child is just coming up to three and a half.  And in terms of sibling knowledge, my son has only had a sister for the past 15 months.  In that short time though, I have already learned some key things about helping them love, support and appreciate each other.

About a year and a half ago I went to see Barbara Coloroso speak.  We made it a 'girls night out' and my sister, sister in law and I took my Mom as a treat.  Growing up, Barbara Coloroso parenting books could be found dog eared around my house, my Mom is a big believer in her philosophies.  I really enjoyed hearing her speak, she was engaging and funny and her thoughts on parenting resonated with me and just made sense.  I may have been partially biased as I had to smile a few times as she said lines or phrases that I had heard word for word from my Mom!

My daughter in only 15 months old but she already thinks her brother is just about the 'best thing since sliced bread'.  She does what he wants, and listens to him.  The other day he was playing doctor with her and was counting her toes and fingers.  She readily gave him whatever body part he was asking for.  No fear or worry about what he was going to do, just happy that he wanted to play with her.

My son is loving towards his sister most of the time.  He offers her a cracker if he is eating some, brings her a toy if she's crying and tells us we need to go and rescue her when she wakes up from a nap.

Of course it's not all roses!  They fight over toys and our attention.  They get frustrated when they don't get what they want because they have to wait while the other one gets something first.  That's all par for the course.   But I'm already noticing that if we give them some space to work it out on their own...they do!  If my son doesn't want to share something with her, give him 5 minutes and he'll bring it over to her on his own. My daughter is already learning to take turns and will give my son a turn if he asks for it.  It's amazing to watch.

Overall I think parents may be surprised with how siblings can start to work things out on their own given the chance and that letting them try is harder on the parents than it is on the kids.  Your first instinct is to rush in when one of them gets upset or if you hear some unkind words, you immediately want to be the problem solver.  I want my kids to know how to be problem solvers so I'll sit on my hands and perhaps stuff an apple in my mouth to avoid jumping in!  

What has a key learning been for me?  That I have to give them the space and the ability to figure out how to co-exist on their own.  The more I referee, the more I feel like they'll think I'm picking sides.  The more I interfere, the less likely they are to come up with a solution that works for them.  They need to learn to respect one another.

What have your key learnings been as you raise siblings?